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Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries: Volume 2, page 101, May 13-14, 1851

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Identifier: DX01018614

Title: Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries: Volume 2, page 101, May 13-14, 1851

Description: Comments on his hopes for success.


[pro]voking. The best of’t was, an actor speaking from the gallery as an enraged b’hoy irate at the interruption of the piece by the supposed husband of a debutante. “I payed ma twenty-five cents, and if yer don’t play on I tell yer I’ll siss yer!” Wet walk back to Robinson, lightning and thunder.

14. Wednesday. Calls, at [John N.] Genins, at [Warren] Butlers, [Richard] Hutchings, Wall Street where I visited [Charles F.] Anderson’s new office, — top of a building, over a bank,) at Fulton Street, at “Era” Office, at [William] Roberts, at [177] Canal Street &c. Met Brotherhead, one of the men I have known at [Albert] Bobbetts &c. Heard that [Charles] Edmonds is going to the Worlds fair. A job from Brother head, he calling after dinner. Afternoon drawing on block. Evening went to Cedar street to find Baudoin, but he had left the Hotel de Nancy. To [168] Duane and out with Mr [Henry] Hart and Dillon [Mapother], the former walking with a Jersey acquaintance, I with Dillon. Together to the Battery, where we pace up and down, watching the sheen of the moonlight on the water and indulging in reflections, anticipatory and retrospective. Much do I see self condemnatory at twenty five I ought not to be thus living on from week to week, seeing my way no clearer. Others step on before me. Little checks daunt me and palsy good resolve. I know I’ve something in me, why do I not achieve a position? Not for the dollar’s sake, but that which ever follows success. I’d like those at home to hear of me, to be proud of me. A little success or reward spurs me greatly, but on the other hand discomfiture rebuffs and disenheartens me, instead of moving me to overcome it. Many with (I think) less intellect than I have, thrive better — shame to me therefore. Time should not be wasted for such men as [Hardin] Andrews. I know it can lead to nothing. I should have some rent for what I can do with pen and pencil. I ought to make me. But the insight I have had of the coarse selfish impulses of writers here, of the fad vortex throwing up mire and dirt; — that I scarce care to thread such paths as would be open to me. And for others, I lack energy and impudence to find them. I can see where I’m wrong far more easily than remedy it. / Glass of ale, where we met [Joseph] Richardson; and parted at about 10.

Rights: NoC-US


Dates: 1851-05-13

Type(s): Diary

Maker/Creator: Gunn, Thomas Butler, 1826-1903

Subjects: Drawing
Battery Park (New York, N.Y.)


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