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Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries: Volume 5, page 11, August 3, 1852

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Identifier: DX01183092

Title: Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries: Volume 5, page 11, August 3, 1852

Description: Reminisces about Mary Bilton.

Transcription:

one day, found them [Elizabeth Dobson and Mr. Tilton] calmly reposing on her bed together. The little fool pays dearly for that ugly whistle now. / A four miles ramble, passing around a complete square formed by the right angled roads. [Edward] Heylyn and Elisha Hall talking agriculturally, or of the neighbours, I occasionally joining in from time to time, or loitering in the rear musing on many things.

How it was I know not, but my thoughts reverted with strange intensity to a certain evening’s return from little Leyton, side by side with ___ [Mary Bilton]. A summery starlight night, — July, eight years ago, — my arm around her, my eyes looking into hers, her sweet breath fanning my cheek, — each revelling in the most loving, reciprocal words — words so deep, so dear — [words crossed out] Never — More. This night [word crossed out] a yearning took possession of my soul; like unto that of [word crossed out] [Robinson] Crusoe towards human kind when on his desert isle. Where is she? What is she? thinks she of me — ever? She may be — married. She may be, Oh God — dead. I pray not. I think even now, to hear of the loss of that sweet life would shake my heart to dust. And yet what a dry agony in the thought that she had wedded — she, another’s wife. She whom I have loved All My Life. /

I don’t know how the devil this is. At all odd solitary times comes comes up this thought — this ghost of Past loving to haunt

Rights: NoC-US

Place:

Dates: 1852-08-03

Type(s): Diary
Page

Maker/Creator: Gunn, Thomas Butler, 1826-1903

Subjects: Diaries
Women
Courtship
Summer

Permalink:
http://collections.mohistory.org/resource/183798

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