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Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries: Volume 7, page 156, October 14-18, 1855

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Identifier: DX03955211

Title: Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries: Volume 7, page 156, October 14-18, 1855

Description: Describes his unhappiness and fears that he will never have a home of his own.


I've omitted to put down last Sunday's proceedings. It was a cheery, pleasant day, in which I did a good deal in company with [James] Parton, a called at Bleecker Street, saw [William] Levison, and the others, then visited [Matthew] Whitelaw.

15. Monday. Trying to write in the morning. Afternoon to the Mercantile. Parton there awhile. To Post Office mid-day.

16. Tuesday. Down town, called at Picayune Office, seeing Haney & Levison, to Battery, saw Creecy, to Fulton Street, return to room with huge pile of Examiners. Afternoon to Mercantile. Evening in room, thinking. I've another relapse into the wretchedst despondency, thorough depreciation and distrust of self. I think of England, of home, my mother [Naomi Butler Gunn], of Chacombe; and then wearily of this miserable story I'm trying at, with no belief or faith in it. I feel the most lonely creature in the world; and quitting the Mercantile Library at dusk, as I walk down town-wards through the chilly, and crowded Broadway my isolation seems the more complete by force of contrast. There are gaily dressed and handsome women, young men at theatre doors, and concert rooms, a constant stream of people setting up town, — I go to my lonely room, where I can't write, my inability being increased by my urgent desire to do it. I have, too, a frightful dread that this life is to continue, that I am never to win a home, or know the happiness of being loved. I’m going on for 30; perhaps —

17. Wednesday. Worse. Down town at mid-day, and in the afternoon at the Mercantile Library. [Alf] Waud up & self engrossed.

18. Thursday. Mid-day called in at the Picayune Office, there finding [Jesse] Haney, Sol Eytinge, the Wauds [Alf and William] and Levison.

Rights: NoC-US


Dates: 1855-10-14

Type(s): Diary

Maker/Creator: Gunn, Thomas Butler, 1826-1903

Subjects: Diaries


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