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Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries: Volume 7, page 151, September 25-29, 1855

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Identifier: DX03950766

Title: Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries: Volume 7, page 151, September 25-29, 1855

Description: Describes feeling miserable because of his fears that he will be a failure.

Transcription:

the latter [Charles Welden] to poke me up about Story. Down town, dined at the Rainbow, called at Picayune, Fulton Street & Avery's office. Got lot of little things at 12 1/2 cents each to do for him. Back and work. Writing, wearily. Returning from my cheap supper met [Frank] Hillard brother of Oliver [Hillard] (whom I met in Lake Superior.) and shortly after he came up. The little hook nosed, well bearded hearty fellow was glad to see me, which pleasure I shared. They to the theatre, and I to my room & pen work.

26. Wednesday. Drawing in the morning. Writing anon.

27. Thursday. Writing, getting nervous, hypochondriacal, discontent with myself. Thoughts of a thousand things past and present, all evil, self distrust sitting like an Incubus on my soul. [James] Parton came up in the afternoon, and gave me a glimpse of pleasure in the intelligence of the fall of Sevastopol, which in a few ensuing minutes the newsboys were crying beneath my window, making all Broadway vociferous with it. I’m glad of it, heart and soul. [Matthew] Whitelaw called at 6 or later, and found me recumbent, trying to think I might doze awhile. All day long the sunlight had seemed to reproach my loneliness and a brainsick endeavours to write. Each sentence I have penned seemed harsh, disjointed, awkward, miserable.

28. Friday. Inconceivably miserable.

29. Saturday. Misery continued. Akin almost to insanity. Thinking I’m to be a failure. Down town to the Fulton Street shop at supper time, feeding with Alf [Waud] & Sol [Eytinge]. In the park subsequently where cannons were being fired, in honor of some Tammany Hall mob. Felt more lonely than ever. To Whitelaws, at [204] Spring Street. His good little wife [Kate Whitelaw] was bustling about, he telling me of his entering

Rights: NoC-US

Place:

Dates: 1855-09-25

Type(s): Diary
Page

Maker/Creator: Gunn, Thomas Butler, 1826-1903

Subjects: Crimean War, 1853-1856
Sevastopol' (Ukraine)
Siege, 1854-1855
Diaries

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