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Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries: Volume 9, page 19 [newspaper clipping], approximately 1857

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Identifier: DX03417308

Title: Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries: Volume 9, page 19 [newspaper clipping], approximately 1857

Description: Newspaper clipping written by Frank Cahill for the New York Picayune which gives humorous advice to married couples for when single friends visit.

Transcription:

[handwritten by Gunn] [Frank] Cahill’s article, (got from Sol [Eytinge]’s domestic relations [with Allie Vernon].)

Hints on Politeness.

FOR MARRIED PEOPLE.——

When a bachelor friend visits your house, always let him understand that married life is very expensive, but very comfortable. Acquaint him with the price of butter, bread, etc.; tell him that the price is ruinous, and that you hardly know, if things continue, how you will be enabled to weather the storm. (The above will make your guest very happy, and cause him to relish and enjoy every mouthful he takes.) Let your visitor know the exact cost of the stair carpet and rods; speak of the cheapness of your piano, and whisper in his ear that your wife is the best and most economical of women. Of course the wife in all cases has to say that her husband is the best, most lovable, and delightful of all human beings.

As we seldom or never hear any music, get your wife to set down at the piano and play all the evening. It is sure to delight your visitor, who enjoys a quiet conversation, and can hear much better music upon payment of twenty-five cents.

If your friend appears annoyed by so much music, and is not paying sufficient attention to your wife’s exertions, let her turn round upon him, and say, in her most bitter and sarcastic manner, “Mr. So-and-so, you appear to have no ear for music, but Charley (Charley is of course her husband) dotes upon it, don’t you, dear? Then let her go on playing for the rest of the evening.

Let your wife express regret that your visitor was not at your house on such-and-such a day, as you had some splendid custards, and such a delightful punkin pie. This speech, if delivered properly, will make your visitor extremely happy, as you will let him know that you thoroughly understand him, and that he only visits your house for what he can get.

Kiss your wife as often as possible before a third person, as it impresses them with the very happy and bed-of-roses kind of life you must be leading.

Rights: NoC-US

Place:

Dates: 1857

Type(s): Diary
Page

Maker/Creator: Cahill, Frank

Subjects: Diaries
Marriage
Women

Permalink:
http://collections.mohistory.org/resource/181513

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